


Sick Like Me

by hisbeautifuldisaster



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Castiel is Older Than Dean Winchester, Consensual Underage Sex, Drug Abuse, Drug Addict Castiel (Supernatural), Drug Addict Dean Winchester, Drug Addiction, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, Drug-Induced Sex, F/F, F/M, M/M, Past Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Relapse, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-01-23 21:51:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21327238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hisbeautifuldisaster/pseuds/hisbeautifuldisaster
Summary: Dean Winchester was forced to raise his kid brother Sam when their father left them in the middle of the night three years ago. Dean worked hard at Singer's garage until a random drug test cost him everything. Dean is now a homeless heroin addict who is willing to drag anyone down with him just to get what he needs to avoid a withdrawal.Castiel Novak was going to be the next big thing or so his family thought. At just sixteen he had graduated high school and was accepted into the most prestigious university around until he found himself in the hospital for a drug overdose. After completing an extensive round of rehab Castiel has been clean for fourteen years but will that all change when he meets Dean Winchester on the streets while volunteering for his local church.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Charlie Bradbury/Original Female Character(s), Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester, Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

The rush was almost too much for his body. It soared through his veins and he would be lying if he said it didn’t burn just a little. He threw his head back in almost pure ecstasy his eyes closed and his mouth opened as he breathed in deeply and let out a small chuckle. He ran his tongue over his lips and he smiled so big it felt like his cheeks would be sore for days, the warmth his body felt was almost identical to the warmth he would get when his mom would hug him tightly as a child. He felt such joy that it was impossible to remember that his real life was torture and that he had three broken ribs and a minor concussion. Even with his eyes closed they still felt heavy and almost impossible to open but it’s not like he wanted to anyways. The longer he could hide in this false euphoria and sense of calm and safety then it was better for him. Besides he had the room for an hour and he could use a nap before going back out into the streets.

***

The hospital had begged him to stay and even though he wanted at least a warm place to stay for the night he knew in his heart of hearts that it wouldn’t be a good idea. He signed the papers and left the hospital with his ribs tightly wrapped and a strict warning to have someone watch him over till the concussion cleared. He laughed and winked at the doctor and left the hospital grounds with his backpack slumped over one shoulder and his jacket zipped all the way to keep the cold air out. The wind blew strong and he felt the cold hard rain against his skin, he rolled his eyes and tried his hardest to run across the street where the motel was. He had just enough money in his back pocket to rent the room for just an hour, and that was honestly all he needed.

“Just for the hour,” He said sliding the forty dollars across the counter.

“Winchester when you are going to stop this madness? You’re better than this,” The clerk behind the counter asked.

“Hey do you want my money or not man? Y’know business ain’t exactly booming ‘round here and there other sleazy motels that will take my money without the third degree.” “Whatever dude,” The clerk took his money and gave him the key to the room.

***

He woke with a rush and his heart beating fast, his head pounding and his mouth so dry it felt like he had been eating cotton balls for days. For one second he couldn’t remember exactly what happened or where he was but then it all came rushing back to him when he took in that first deep breath and it felt like someone was tearing his rib cage apart. He couldn’t fully bend his left arm and when he finally opened his eyes he realized blood had collected in the palm of his hand and the needle was still in his the crease of his arm. He didn’t even flinch when he took the needle out or when he went to untie the tourniquet that he left wrapped around his arm.

“Fuckin’ Christ,” He mumbled to himself as he pulled the backpack closer to him and threw in his paraphernalia.

He zipped up the backpack and tried his hardest to stand without blacking out from the pain itself. Once he got himself steady he checked his watch and realized that he had definitely overstayed his one hour welcome. Hopefully Ash will let him get away with it because he really didn’t have the money to pay him for the other three hours he slept. He decided to take advantage of having hot running water for a change and took the longest shower he could before the water would run cold. Letting the water run down his naked body Dean could only think about one thing and that was scoring some more heroin. Dean will never forget the day he tried it and he will never forget the day it took the only thing he cared about way. He wanted nothing more than to see his family again but he was so lost in the world of his addiction that nothing could save him now.

Dean hadn’t seen Sam in almost three years. John, their father, left in the middle of the night almost three years ago leaving Dean in charge of his brother. Dean tried his hardest to care for Sam but no one wanted to hire a sixteen year old kid who dropped out of high school to provide for his kid brother. A family friend named Bobby was the only one who would take a chance on Dean and gave him the chance to prove himself to be worthy of a job at his garage. Bobby allowed the boys to move into his run down house with the promise that Dean would get his GED and help out in the garage on the weekends. Dean worked hard for the first year he was with Bobby, he made sure Sam always did his homework and studied hard. He always had a hot meal on the table for Bobby and Sam and when he wasn’t studying himself for the GED classes he was working in the garage.

When Dean successfully completed his GED program the whole garage celebrated, a party was thrown in his honor and that was the night his life changed for the worst. On Dean's eighteenth birthday Bobby surprised him by officially adding him as an employee to Singer's Garage, it was a great three months for Dean. He had been stashing money away for Sam's college fund, he had found a balance to make sure his addiction didn't affect his job until that fateful day Bobby walked in with a women behind him and Dean felt his heart drop into his stomach.

***

_“Bobby c’mon man, why do I gotta take a piss test? You know I don’t do anything.” Dean said, waving around the collection cup. _

_“It’s for legal reasons Dean. We work with heavy machinery and in order to keep the shop insured they make us do random drug screening. Now that you’re officially on my payroll I gotta’ send this up to the insurance company. Why are you sweating this? Just go piss in the cup.” Bobby said. _

_His hands shook and a cold sweat formed along his brow and Dean knew he was in trouble. He was hoping that he could get out of this by flirting with the girl who was collecting the cops but it was no use._

_ “What are the chances of a false positive? You know I drink a lot of energy drinks, would that make me fail?” He asked her. _

_“Unless your energy drinks have drugs in them, these tests are pretty accurate kid.”_

***

A bang on the door startled Dean out his thoughts and quickly jumped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. Another bang on the door made him jump and panic slightly kicked in. One more bang and Dean screamed at them that he was coming and to hold their horses.

“Yeah,” Dean said as he cracked the door.

The towel still wrapped around his waist, the cold embraced his wet skin forcing a shiver out of him. “You gotta go man, you are way past what you paid for. I tried to cover for you but my boss threatened my job and without this job I’m in the same boat you’re in.” Ash said.

Dean closed the door and scrambled to find his clothes and changed faster than he thought he could. His clothes clinging to his wet skin, his hair dripping water as he ran a hand through it. He double checked the room quickly before walking out into the cold.


	2. Chapter 2

“And that’s when I knew I had hit rock bottom,” Castiel said walking away from the center of the room. He walked back to his chair and sat down reaching down to get his cup of coffee from underneath his chair. His leg bouncing up and down from the nerves of being the center of attention for the last ten minutes. There was nothing more he hated than sharing his story but deep down Castiel knew it was a necessary evil and one that would help keep this life he had worked so hard for.

He took a long sip from his cup and cleared his throat, the coffee at these meetings was just atrocious and made a mental note to bring in his own from now on. He clapped and welcomed the next guest. “Hello my name is Fergus, I prefer Crowley, and I am a drug addict.”

“Hello Crowley,” The crowed echoed and just like that Castiel was back in his mind.

He never had such a hard time focusing before but he knew today was the anniversary of his fourteenth year of being sober and it was always the worst day for him. It was the day that he found to be the hardest, it was the hardest to avoid crawling back to the sweet escape of the drugs. He could feel the bee sting of the needle in his arm, he could almost imagine the warmness taking over his body. Castiel closed his eyes and prayed to the only thing keeping him sober. He typically is the leader of these meetings but today he was just another lost soul looking for help to keep the demons away.

“That will conclude the meeting please if you feel like you need to talk we are always here for you or get in contact with your sponsor day or night. You are not a burden, you are strong and please follow the twelve steps.” The priest said.

Castiel gripped his coffee cup a little tighter and went over to the beverage table and poured himself another cup of coffee.

“Castiel this is for you, I know you don’t like being the center of attention so I waited till the end of the meeting.”

Michael handed him a chip and tightly gripped his hand. “You are strong Castiel, I know today is the hardest for you but please call me if you need anything.”

“Thank you Michael,” Is all Castiel could manage to get out.

“Will you still be attending the event tomorrow? We are meeting at ten sharp and will be heading over to west side of the bridge to hand out supplies to the homeless and offering support and contacts to help battle their addictions.”

“Of course,” Castiel said.

Michael pulled him into a half hug and patted Castiel on the shoulder before whispering in his ear that God has big plans for him and walking away.

===*===

_“Can you hear me?” The voice was so faint._

_He felt pressure being applied to his chest but it was like applying a heating pad to a muscle ache it was the most relaxing thing he could imagine. “Castiel wake up buddy,”_

_The voice sounded closer but he couldn’t open his eyes his body felt weak and all he wanted was to sleep. _

_“_

_"Come on buddy just open your eyes,” He felt more pressure on his chest and this time it wasn’t peaceful. This time it hurt and the voice sounded like it was screaming in his ears. The ground was hot and he felt the gravel digging in his back, he wanted off the floor and for the voices to stop screaming._

_He opened his eyes and instantly closed them, the sun felt like it was burning a hole into his eyes. “Good job buddy. Can you do that again for me?” _

_Castiel could hear the voices fading in and out again and the numbness returning and he would take that over the pain and screaming he felt just a second ago. The peacefulness returned and it was the best feeling he could have ever imagined, this was almost better than the high. His whole body numb and his mind turned off for once Castiel wasn’t thinking, for once in his whole life Castiel’s mind was blank and there was no better feeling in the world to him. _

_===*===_

_“Amen,” _

_Castiel opened his eyes and an instant rush of nausea hit him like a train. “Trash-,” Was all he got out before vomiting all over himself. _

_“Go get the nurse he’s awake,” He recognized that voice, it was his mother. _

_His mother handed him a trash can to vomit into and rubbed his back while Castiel continued to throw up what felt like every-thing he had ever eaten in his whole seventeen years of existence. _

_“Castiel how are you feeling?” The nurse asked as she walked in._

_“What happened? Where am I?” He asked, laying his head back against the pillows. _

_“You are in Central Baptist Hospital, my name is Anna I’ll be your nurse tonight. You overdosed on heroin luckily a good samaritan called it in.” _

_It all come rushing back in vivid detail. “Where is Bart? Where is Balthazar?” Castiel asked, ripping at his IV’s throwing the blankets off his body. _

_“Hey calm down Castiel, it’s going to be okay.” The nurse said holding his hands to avoid him doing any more damage to his already destroyed arms. _

_Castiel felt the warmness of the tears on his cheeks, his vison blinded by them. “Please Anna, where is my boyfriend?”_

_“Let’s focus on your health first sweetie,” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope some of y'all are still following this story. A lot has been going since I posted the first chapter, I got married and have been adjusting to married life. I know this isn't the best at all but with some feedback from everyone who reads this I hope to improve my writing skills. This story has become my main priority so the next chapter should be soon. If anyone can recommend a good beta to overlook my punctuation and spelling please let me know because I know there A LOT of errors. Anyways p[ease let me know what you think and constructive criticism is welcomed!!! Thank you for taking time to read my story! :)


	3. Chapter 3

The alarm beeped obnoxiously forcing him to hide his head underneath his pillow just for the moment. Castiel knew that he needed to get up but the comfort and warmness of his bed was holding him there hostage. He rolled over to his left and snoozed the alarm, he knew this was a terrible habit but he needed just five more minutes. Five more minutes before his mind fully woke up and forced him to think of the last time he saw his best friend alive. Castiel groaned as the alarm blared through the bedroom.

“Alright fine I hear you,” He mumbled under his breath as he hit the alarm and threw the blankets off his body.

He shivered as the cool air hit his naked body and he made a mad dash to the bathroom to find his robe. “Siri what is the weather for today?”

“_The weather for today is 19 degrees with 75% chance of snow.” _The artificial intelligence responded back.

Castiel knew taking a shower was going to be a death wish but he wanted to feel clean, he wanted to smell of stale smoke and old beer off him. Ever since he was old enough to sit in a bar on the day of his anniversary Castiel would sit in a bar and just let the scene consume him. He never ordered more than just soda or water but he needed to remind himself of why he was clean, why he had never gone back to the monster that consumed the life of his soulmate. His sponsor told him that was self-destructing that this would only end one way and it was with a needle in his arm or him dead on the street from an overdose. His sponsor called him an idiot that he would pick the day that was most vulnerable to relapse to go sit in a bar and ‘people gaze’ to be reminded that addiction is a disease and you would always crave your poison.

**

The drive to the bridge was quiet and Castiel hated quiet car rides it gave him too much in his own head. Father Michael decided he was going to drive and while normally Castiel would have appreciated that, he really needed the distraction today. It had been fourteen years why after all this time was it so hard to function without thoughts of Bart crawling through his head? Why is it so hard to shake off the desire to feel the needle prick at his skin and feel the black tar burn through his veins? Castiel unconsciously scratched at his right arm where the crater still dented the skin.

**

_It had only been a month since Castiel moved into his dorm but he had adjusted surprisingly well. His room was quiet and lonely but he enjoyed that coming from a house that was like a revolving door for foster children it was never quiet. He was the only biological child his mother and father had but he never felt like an only child, Castiel had a countless number of brothers and sisters even if they weren’t blood. _

_The college had done their best to accommodate the special circumstances that was Castiel. He was only sixteen years old and to avoid putting him students much older than him they promised a room all to himself for as long as they could. This would all be ending soon though Castiel had received an email from his RA that they would have to give him a roommate for the remaining of this semester and they would be coming tonight. _

_“Castiel,” the voice was followed by as gentle knock on the door. _

_He opened the door and offered a gentle smile. “Hello,”_

_“Hey.” A voice mumbled, it was soft and Castiel thought he could have made out an accent._

_“Castiel this is Bartholomew, Bartholomew this is Castiel.”_

_“I go by Bart,” He said pushing past Castiel and claiming the bed on the left side of the room. _

_**_

The van parked behind the empty building while everyone was unbuckling and gathering their things and all Castiel could do was sigh and hope that the day would go by fast. On a normal day Castiel was normally the hyping the people up telling them this was good work, that as a former addict he knows just how grateful they are for just the simple things. Today was different, today Castiel just wanted to crawl back into the safety and warmness of his bed and say screw them, they did this to themselves, they chose this life.

“Alright, so we are going too split into two groups that way we can cover more ground.” Michael said.

“I will lead one of the groups under the bridge and Father Michael will cover the actual camp grounds. Everyone please be safe and just be there for them. We do not judge their situation or judge the choices they have made. This could easily be one of us here and if you have a hard time with this then please come back to the van and wait here patiently. Also if they say they are not interested in anything we offering please just let them be how would you feel if you someone came into your house and started harassing you about the way you lived. We are here to help not criticize.” Castiel said.

People broke into groups and started gathering things from the back of the vans. They had sandwiches, water, underwear, socks, blankets, and toothbrushes in prepacked backpacks that they would be handing out. Of course they also had pamphlets on the dangers of addictions, miniature bibles, a rosary, and the numbers for any shelters and suicide prevention hotline. Castiel had been to many churches before he finally found one that actually cared about the homeless and the addicts, this was a church that saw them as actual people who just made a wrong turn and not just as a tax write off.

Father Michael took his group and led them to the old high school that has now become the home to hundreds of people while Castiel led his group under the bridge where the ‘tougher’ people chose to stay. “I don’t understand why they just don’t go to the high school or better yet a shelter.” Someone in the group muttered

“Shelters are full this time of year, the high school isn’t exactly the better option here. It is full black mold, asbestos, the roof is falling apart and the list goes on and on. Remember when I said we don’t judge, that includes why some choose the bridge over the high school.” Castiel said back, not even looking back to acknowledge the group. He marched forward with one mission on his mind, to drop of his stuff and pass along the word of God and to go back home so he didn’t have to be around his temptation any longer than he needed to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! I'm not sure if anyone still follows this story since I have posted in like a year. A lot has been happening in my life and well things are starting to calm down now. I thoroughly hope you follow and enjoy this story, if you have any critics please let me know! If you are new here hi! I am just getting back into writing and this is my new baby for now! I hope yall are safe and staying safe during these crazy times. See yall next chapter! :)

**Author's Note:**

> So I am trying something new with this fanfiction. Let me know if you are interested, I know the summary doesn't really make much sense but I have a plan for this and I hope you join me on the journey. I am coming back from a LONG hiatus from writing so please any tips are welcomed. To clarify something real fast about my tag about Castiel being older than Dean. Dean is 20 and Castiel 30. Okay enough introductions, I hope you enjoy the first chapter and let me know what you think!


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